Tag Archives: Life

2018 in Review

1 Jan

Hello Friends,

I watched a couple 2018 year in review videos and both brought me to tears.  The first was from Associated Press:

The second was from Vox (which had a bit more of a positive slant):

 

It’s important to reflect on what happened, what we learned, and how we can move forward. Many of us now share personal best of lists or share our accomplishments. As I feel like I’ve been clubbed over the head, I actually have to take a look at my calendar to remind myself what happened. 

My favorite book of 2018 was probably “The Sarah Book” by Scott McClanahan. I read it just as I was going through a breakup/divorce and it really hit home for me. I also loved “Just Kids” by Patti Smith.

JUSTIN’S 2018 IN REVIEW  (warning, there’s some kissing and telling)

In January of 2018 I was still dental sales soldiering. I flew to Boston where they had accidentally booked one bed in the hotel room for me and my female colleague. We both had a sense of humor about it and ended up sharing the bed (as friends) for 3 nights. This was not the only time this happened.  The year before they made the same mistake with me and a male colleague, a Trump-supporting tech support guy. We shared the same bed in San Francisco for 3 nights. In Boston I ate some great seafood and had some dramatic internet conversation with my band SUSPECT PARTS. We were arguing about booking strategies for our upcoming European tour.

In February I began working 4 days a week as an American Sign Language interpreter. I took on more freelance agencies and expanded my possibility of becoming a full time interpreter.  My band MANIAC played Awesome Fest San Diego and I went on a 4 day bender.  Thankfully my Canadian friends in Needles/Pins took care of me.  I also purchased a guitar amp. I had been borrowing our drummer James Carman’s amp for years as I couldn’t previously afford my own.  On San Diego Craigslist found a great deal and threw that thing in the trunk of my Honda Civic.  It was some kind of specialty taco festival in San Diego and the Canadians and I enjoyed some fantastic tacos.  The end of February I worked the Chicago Dental Convention. Had some drinks with old friends and enjoyed some great Chicago food.

In March I began sign language interpreting for a live drawing class, which is basically college students sketching a nude model. My fellow interpreter and I had fun, made some jokes, but remained professional. My friend Cezar and I enjoyed some marlin tacos and tacos governador at Los Eduardos in North Long Beach.  My ex Marina and I had dinner at Papa Cristo’s Greek Restaurant.  I realized I wasn’t over her. Much of the year would have me in an emotional rollercoaster about the breakup and divorce. MANIAC played the Alhambra Room in San Pedro with Scott Yoder from Seattle. It was a wild wild night.  Imagine 2 cross dressing punk rock bands unexpectedly playing a redneck birthday party in Alabama in 1983. That’s what it was like. We all managed to get along great with the crowd. It was a miracle.

In April my co-worker Law convinced me to join Gold’s Gym and to try Spin classes and  Bodypump classes with him. The Bodypump instructor was an Australian with a big neck who shouted in everyone’s faces.  I didn’t die. The 1 hour workout burns 500 calories.  I did it for a few weeks then tore the meniscus in my left knee playing basketball.  My friends Jakes and Lexy got married and had their party at Taix in Echo Park, one of my favorite bars.  Saw lots of old friends from Bainbridge Island and Seattle. It was wonderful.  I met a really cute girl with brown hair and tattoos and we went out for sushi a couple of weeks later. For some reason we didn’t mesh and it never worked out.  I asked her on a 2nd date and she said “I don’t feel there’s a romantic connection between us.”  I really appreciated her honesty but it still hurt a little.   

MANIAC shot a music video for our song “City Lights” it was shot and directed by our very own Andrew Zappin.  The plot, written by Andrew:  Zache is in a bathtub relaxing and gets violently kidnapped by a girl gang.  They torture him with a dildo and shave off his mustache.  They put him in makeup and short shorts and push him out of their van in an industrial part of downtown LA.  James and I are cruising and cat call him then kidnap him into our car.  END

In May a friend introduces me to a crazy girl and we hit it off and start sleeping together.  Her apartment is very messy, dishes stacked to the ceiling, dog and cat hair, bong water, dirty laundry everywhere. I’ve never seen anything quite like it before. It’s like the characters from the film “Animal House” had a massive party and just left.  The girl insists on taking her dog everywhere and frequently drinks and drives with her dog in the car. We have one really great date where we go bowling.  I invite her over to my place but she says she has to go home and check up on her dog. We don’t sleep together after the date and we never sleep together again.

I sign language interpret a weekend of festivities in Grand Park including a well-written theatrical play about police shooting black people.  The characters all talk over each other and the subject matter is extremely frank and intense.  The other interpreter and I struggle the first night but really kill it the second night. Unfortunately there were no deaf people in the audience the second night.

In June my left knee is really killing me. My friend Irwing and I bartended an all-night warehouse party until 6 in the morning.  I could barely walk for the next week.  I am icing it on a daily basis but it doesn’t seem to be getting better.  MANIAC release our second album “Dead Dance Club” and tour the west coast all the way up to Vancouver, Canada and back.  They miraculously let our singer Zache into Canada (they denied him previously).  Despite the condition of my knee, I ice it in the van and manage to play great.  We kick ass and take names all the way up the coast.  I touch base with a really wonderful female friend and spend a couple of nights with her. My heart aches and I wish she lived in L.A.   Thanks to “Punks Around” Microcosm Press in Portland releases a chapbook of my short stories.  I read an amusing tale from the book to a humorless audience in Portland.

After the tour I drive up to Mendocino County for my friend Devon’s Wedding.  The road to Caspar takes me through a redwood grove and along a river, the river empties into the Pacific Ocean and the road winds onto a cliffside. The view is one of the most gorgeous things I have ever seen in my life.  I play a set of music on my acoustic guitar for their wedding reception afterwards all of these people whip out instruments, guitars, mandolins, violins, washboards.  We have an amazing jam session around the fire and everyone sings.  It’s an incredible night under the stars in Mendocino County.

Back down in Oakland I meet up with some old friends and we go see Giuda and The Damned on the last day of the Burger Boogaloo Festival.  The Damned absolutely kill it.  Afterwards Jello Biafra DJs some 60s tunes in a little bar.  We all dance and have a blast.

In July I work like crazy sign language interpreting . I’m now freelancing more and more.  An old friend Richie introduces me to LAFC, the new soccer team in downtown LA.  The game is an absolute riot. Most of the chants are in Spanish. The superfans bang drums, play horns, set off smoke bombs when a goal is scored.  Most of the fans seem to be from East LA. Everyone are together chanting in Spanish for the team.  It’s great fun and feels dangerous.  A fist fight breaks out on the stairs. The capos break it up.  The guy is tossed from the game and the chanting resumes.

My 35th birthday is on July 31st.  I take myself to WiSpa in Koreatown and get a full body scrubbing from a bath master.  I leave the place a clean man.

In August I sign my divorce papers.  The place is randomly located upstairs in a parking lot stripmall in Hollywood.  It takes about 5 minutes. The Armenian lady says I’m done.  In the car I begin violently sobbing. I’m glad my ex can’t see me.

I get an MRI on my knee which is still bothering me. They tell me my meniscus is torn in 2 places and my ACL is severely bruised. I ask the doctor if I should cancel my upcoming trip to Europe. The doctor says to do the trip and get surgery when I come back.

In September I grab a cheap flight to Warsaw to tour with SUSPECT PARTS.  I arrive early and see all of the sights in Berlin. Some friends of mine with a car take me all around town.  SUSPECT PARTS rehearse, we sound great.  We tour and then record a new 3 song single with Smail Shock in Berlin.  The last 2 shows in Berlin really go off. It’s an absolute blast.  After the tour I have a 24 hour layover in Warsaw and wander all around the city.  I learn about the Warsaw Uprising.  I eat pierogies and drink wodkie and beer.  I love Poland.

In October I am a full time freelance sign language interpreter. I am kicking ass and taking names all over town. I work 6 days a week as I have surgery coming up and I know I can’t afford the surgery or taking time off work.  Maniac plays up in Oakland and there’s a shooting outside of our show. No one was killed but multiple people are rushed to the hospital and the street closed by hordes of police.  We can’t load out our gear because the sidewalk outside the venue is a crime scene.  The show itself went really well and it was a beautiful night that ended when some guys from Vallejo pulled out guns and started shooting at each other.

In November I get surgery on my left knee. The procedure is very expensive and I have to miss work for a minimum of 2 weeks while my knee heals. I set up a GoFundMe and manage to raise all of the funds for my surgery due to very kind small donations from my friends all over the world. I’m truly blessed.   I spend a few weeks in bed then visit my mom for Thanksgiving.  My Dental job asks me if I will work the New York Convention. I ask for some money upfront. They tell me no.  I tell them no.  To this day we have not spoken with each other.  My dental soldiering days have luckily been replaced by sign language interpreting.  The two people who most notably do not donate even 1 cent to my GoFundMe Campaign are my brother and sister.  Besides my breakup/divorce, this was perhaps the singular most hurtful pang of my 2018.

James, drummer of MANIAC and long time friend quits the band over a group text message. We are all heartbroken and crushed.  We ask around and audition Patrick Vasquez AKA Patrick Butterworth.  He’s a great drummer, really enthusiastic person and somehow fit in perfectly.   James left a hole in our hearts, but luckily we’re able to keep going with Patrick behind the skins.

In December I’m attending physical therapy twice a week and I’m back at work. I’m able to walk without crutches.  I kick ass and take names as well as set up a business for my independent sign language interpreting to help out with 1099 taxes and all of that fun stuff.   I’m approved for a business credit card which is phenomenal.  When I broke up with Marina I got turned down from multiple apartment applications because of my credit.  It was a scary time and I was almost unable to find a new place to live.  Luckily things worked out OK for me.

Andru and Saskia visited from Berlin and I played LA tourguide and drove them up to the Central California coast to visit Rich Jones AKA “the original Dead Boy”.    We see elephant seals, pristine coastline, eat some great tacos, and stop by Buck Owens Crystal Palace on the way back.  It’s a great trip.

I’m very blessed and I love you all.

Happy New Year!

xx

Justin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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How To Be More Resilient in 2014

31 Dec

Lurie1

 

“You need to be more resilient,” my girlfriend says to me, in bed.

“I think in my life I have been pretty Goddamn resilient,” I snarl.  And Goddamn resilient in this relationship too,” I add.

We argued before bed which is never a good thing.  She went to sleep on the futon then on the couch and I followed her out there.

“If I’m the one being punished, then I’ll stay on the couch,” I said.

“You always think you’re the victim,” she said.

We went to bed together. Not on the best of terms, but at least we listened to each other a little bit. Sort of.

Relationships are hard. And life is hard. And years are hard.

The Buddhists say “All Life Is Suffering.”  I have thought about this a lot.

They also say, “When you realize that you will never know, and accept it, that is enlightenment.”

I’m no expert on Buddhism or Eastern Philosophy.  But I do know that all life is suffering. I do know that I will never know everything (or debatably anything).

My problem is that I can’t accept that my life is full of suffering. I want jubilance and joy and adventure and peace and harmony and endless sexual favors.  But this isn’t really possible all of the time.  I have to be equally at peace when things are chaotic. Equally at peace when things are tranquil. Equally at peace when things are boring and lifeless.

And this is hard.

It’s hard to be me. And it’s hard to be you. And it’s hard to be that homeless guy sleeping on a cardboard box on the street.  We don’t give ourselves enough credit and we don’t give other people, let me use the word again – RESILIENT – people, folks much stronger than us, enough credit.

So 2013 has come and gone. Today is the last day of the year.

I did a lot of stuff this year and I wanted to brag to all of you, but something about bragging didn’t sit right with me.  If I am satisfied with who I am and what I have done then why do I need other people to pat me on the back?

I guess we all need encouragement. And life is hard.  A lot of people died this year. And a lot of people were born.

And we all died and were born then died again.  We’re like that snake eating its own tail. We’re always shedding our skin and growing new skin then shedding again.

All of the shedding and it’s a painful thing to do and it’s hard.

Film critic and human being Robert Ebert died this year, and his quote about happiness really resonated with me:

“I believe that if, at the end of it all, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do. To make others less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts. We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try.” – Roger Ebert

Damn that’s beautiful.

Here’s another one I like. From D.H. Lawrence, from a few years back.

“Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it tragically. The cataclysm has happened, we are among the ruins, we start to build up new little habitats, to have new little hopes. It is rather hard work: there is now no smooth road into the future: but we go round, or scramble over the obstacles. We’ve got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen.”  – D.H. Lawrence

So take these two quotes in and breathe.

Breathe.

Because 2014 is coming in a few hours.

It’s not always going to be easy.

But we can do it.

– Justin Maurer, Los Angeles, Calif. 12/31/13

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